When you're depressed, your feelings are going to be negative. If you base your decisions on those negative feelings, chances are you'll get negative results. The more negative results you experience, the more your depression deepens. It's like being caught in a whirlpool. Everything seems to pull you down. The important thing to realize is that feelings are not truth.
Depression begins in several ways. One lady I know had a hard time in school. Her siblings all did well, but she struggled. She felt stupid and concluded she was stupid, not realizing that her feelings did not reflect truth. Understandably, she felt shortchanged, became angry and began to act out. It was only as an adult that she discovered she had a learning disorder, and she wasn't stupid at all! In fact, she had a lot of artistic talent and a great imagination. She is now a successful writer and illustrator of children's books, and she's one of the most cheerful people I know.
Sometime depression is rooted in unrealistic expectations. As a child, I spent a lot of time trying to be perfect. Somehow I decided that anything less than a 100% on a test was a failure. This is All or Nothing Thinking, and it's one of the characteristics of depression. It doesn't matter how it started, if you can recognize it, you can change it!
Do you focus on a failure and conclude that that one incident defines you? Once I confided to my psychiatrist that I was a terrible parent. I'd lost my temper and slapped my child for mouthing off. He asked me an important question: Is this a pattern or is it a one-time event? I told him I'd never done it before, and I was so appalled by my behavior that I sure wasn't going to do it again! His reply burned into my brain. He said, "One event does not define who you are." I realized then that I had formed a pattern of defining myself by individual events. If you do that, you're probably giving up too soon, further contributing to seeing yourself as a failure. Thomas Edison once said, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
Are you a "Yeah, but..." person? When someone makes a suggestion, is your first response, "Yeah, but..." and then you list all the reasons why you can't do that? That's another example of negative thinking, and it often results in giving up too soon. Stop to evaluate the reasons you want to list and consider whether they really prevent success.
When you make a decision, do you base it on a single past negative event? I once had a student who wrote a very nice short story. When I complimented her on it, she began to cry. She told me that she had taken a single writing class years ago, and her teacher told her that she wasn't a very good writer. She was so discouraged by one person's opinion that she didn't try again for ten years!
Pay attention to what you're thinking. Are you thinking or feeling? Examine the reasons you want to give up, and remember that Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts to make a workable lightbulb, and the Wright brothers were laughed at for try to make an airplane. People said that if God meant for men to fly, he would have given them wings!
Stephanie Kay Bendel is the author of EXIT THE LABYRINTH: A Memoir of Early Childhood Depression – Its Onset and Aftermath, MAKING CRIME PAY: A Practical Guide to Mystery Writing, and A SCREAM AWAY, a romantic thriller published under the house name, Andrea Harris. She has also written numerous short stories and articles on writing.